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Wednesday 2004-09-15 - Amsterdam, the Netherlands
Feeling naked
Back to hospital again — straight to the plaster room this time to have the cast taken off, then on to radiology again for yet another X-ray, then to the surgical department, where I talk to the surgeon’s assistant, one I haven’t seen before. He wants to hear my story first and I tell him it seems to be slowly getting better — but I’m obviously not there yet: it still hurts every now and then, especially when I walk more than a little. Then he looks at the X-ray and declares he’s satisfied: there’s ossification now and the original 4mm gap even seems to have become a little smaller. Looking at my sturdy hiking boots, he tells me I can go without a cast now, just wear those shoes, and gradually walk a little more. (Gulp!) Do I have to wear them inside, too? “See how it goes,” he says, “and come back in two months.”
Now while that’s encouraging, not having that sturdy cast around my foot I suddenly feel very naked and vulnerable — and extremely aware that it hasn’t quite healed yet.
Afterwards
The first few days I have to literally think with every step I take to carefully place my foot — otherwise it hurts again, almost as much as in China… Gradually it goes better, but I usually feel no warning signal when I put too much load on it: It will just hurt the next day! So, obviously I’m very careful. I do increase the distance I walk, but when it hurts the day after, I give it a rest again for a day or two. And I’d love to visit my parents but don’t dare, since I’d have to travel by train from Amsterdam to Groningen: especially the thought of getting on and off the train (without the support of the cast) scares me right now.
